yo.

I'm back!! well, not that that matters anyways. I can tell you very honestly for this entire week i have been a total loser. school's out and i don't know what to do. so i stay at home and play ryl. yes, i know that i should get better things to do, like go to the gym and burn off all the calories and carbs that i have gained .. and yes, get out of the house to play some VOLLEYBALL!! but my dear legs are so lazy to get me out of my house. not to mention.. i have gained ALOT of weight. damn i'm even fatter than during prom. if i dont spend the next weeek sweating out and dieting, you're gonna see a real fat chyi when i get back to s'pore. ~___~

ARGH!! DETERMINATION!! oh yeah i'm going camping tomorrow~~ yay!! >__< must lose weight...I'll update on the camp when i get back ^^ .

|| Pinch me. || 11:24 PM

Monday, August 23, 2004

"orange big big ...


orange small small
orange different sizes
orange big big very juicy
orange smal small tastless~"

sing the above to the tune of "barney is a dinosaur from our imagination~" that song.
okay it's a preverse song. NEver teach your children that lol.

went crabbing the other day (and yes i didnt blog). and we were unprepared. no crab nets or anything. just decided we wanna go. so off we went, ron picked us up, and while he was driving over, me and my brother ( being us, we dont even have pails) went to look for carboard boxes at the usual place, the ever so reliable recycling bin. now this bin has a height of.. well it's up to my shoulder, so we cant just reach in a swipe a box up, we actually had to climb in.. and then there we were searching for a suitable sized box for storing crabs. "someone's coming!! DUCK!!"

okay then off we were to the jetty. when we realized... "hey don't you have a net?" ehzz. lol being poor students we went to GI Joe's ( sporting apparatus store) and picked up a net. ( we plan give it back for a full refund) being poor as we are as college students we piled all our change and scrap notes to come up with.. enough $$ to buy it. (and we'll refund it anyway. no worries =P just have to wash it really clean so you cant tell that we've actually used it) oh yeah and we stopped by safeway to get rotting chicken (bait) and a tap light.

well this story centers around the chicken and the tap light. so now we were at the jetty, struggling to tie the robes to the net with the pthetic tap light ( lol it really doesnt give much light at all) luckily for us there was person with a nice bright latern next to us. you dont really appreciate electrical light until you're in the dark haha! so all was settled. the net went into the ocean. and to pass time what to fishermen do? play dai di XD . with our pathetic little tap light we atempted to play.... until the wind blew our precious lil light source into the ocean! "it's okay, lets let the crabs read before we catch them" ... next time we will get a lantern.

so there we were sitting in the dark (well , with borrowed light from the neighbors =P) "let's go get the light from the snack bar" getting help from such nice jetty mates who offered to look after our stuff (ie the rotting chicken haha) we made way to the snack bar (which was closed in the dead of night ) and stay outside and played dai di , with the survalence (??) camera inside recroding it lol!! =S light was a precious resource haha.

well that's it bout my fishing trip. we didnt catch anything, except a fellow fisherman's bait-- a steel fish that should in actual fact be used for trolling (??) and NOT for jetty fishing, which we had to return to him (damn shoud have kept it. it;s worth 9 bucks! can sell!) other thatn that we went home empty handed and the fish ate our rotting chicken =___=. nevertheless it's really fun. (including the sharing of many a perverse jokes) maybe one day (if you guys are not grossed out yet) i can take you along ^^ right, piggy? and phishy? and chibi chan who never will read this blog? and fishball (WHAHAHA) ? and cheesecake who also never reads this blog lol. yeah. that's if you are not grossed out yet. oh and i almost sat on a bench smeared with blood and severed fish heads. WHAHAHAHA.

end of epic. fingers suan.

|| Pinch me. || 2:40 PM

Saturday, August 21, 2004

<

Summer is fading


hrm going back to Spore soon. and when i get bacl it'll be close to fall. well duh~ since fall quarter will start. I decided that maybe math wasnt so bad after all, I mean i can always take it again. =Z computing was .. well i just didn't expect the final to be so hard. Whatever. I'll just make sure I do better next time ^^
... it's hols at least ^^

now i'm gonna spend time playing RYL hahaz be like a nerd again.. and try to lose weight. I think i might have gained ALOT.

|| Pinch me. || 3:30 PM

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

In its entirety(??)


Lalala.. one more day. tahan.. well my "great" math teacher i.e. calculus teacher who has an amazingly huge and proturding tummy, notice, not drooping but protruding* has just decided to give us a WoNdErFuL exam on the topic he just introduced on.. let's see.. MoNDaY?! why can't he just bwardy give us a take-home exam?! *curses under breath so fellow students in the lab do not turn their attention to me*

Anyways thank GOd I don't have to take the final exam for economics.. yay! Gives me more time to .. study.. ~__~ well you know in Spore they at least give you a warning before they launch such a big bomb on you.. ne? Ahh the beauties of summer school.

|| Pinch me. || 9:14 AM

Monday, August 16, 2004

I was always stupid...


and to think I didn't know.. I've always thought that I could compare myself to various people, to people like MingHui and Janice or Shiwei or Rachel or Sara..but turns out I can never.. I don't know what pride of mine had deemed myself able to admit that I was smart enough to cope with all those horrible math questions that I had seen just two hours ago, I don't know what screwed up self esteem mechanism of mine made me think that I would even be CONSIDERED for the UW, let alone the USNA. I don't know whether it is within my ability to build those planes you see above, to work among highly skilled navymen and women in a super cool submarine,..

*sigh*. I got a B in Math.. it's gonna ruin my perfect GPA. I will never be an engineer. Will I? Ever? I took an IQ test. yes, i know it's lame.. but I got.., 108 only.. that's like lower than sec ones.. you know that? I don't know how I've managed to survive.. the signs are obvious, how I did so bad in O lvls, how i got 222/382 lvl position.. how I take so long to learn katas. I always say things that are too high for me to achieve. Like when I said I wanted to get 7pts for O lvls? Bunch of bull crap. I now know that's close to impossible. ( but the more i look at myself and how much i DIDn't study.. part of me really thinks that i could...) Sigh. confusing. Why Lord.. am I not good enough. Or perhaps I am my only judge. I do not want to live my life being a loser, not being able to achieve. I don't. But why am I so afraid? I don't want to be this way...

I shall go back and study. Even if the Lord has determined that I shall be banished from making my plane, at least if I really put effort into it, at least i'll be able to look up and say that I've really tried. No regrets. Just need to study REALLY hard. *groans* damn my weakness has already shown. ...

|| Pinch me. || 10:38 PM

Friday, August 13, 2004

somewhere over the the rainbow, way up high..


I had a wonderful day today. Spent it with Merit. Although i can tell that we dont really click like that very much as I do with Maria *ie tok cok* well maybe cause we're from different cultures and all, but i think maybe after sometime things might change for the better ^^ *hopeful*

She drove me around today. Yup. We ate teriyaki, and it's much better than Mami Teriyaki =X if anyone of those who drop by readin happen to know that. yep. i forgot what it's called though. it's by green lake. Yeah so we bought it takeaway and then we found a place by the lake and ate, watching the ducks lol. and I had my first jamba juice. it's like a smoothie and you can choose one of six boosts. immunity boost, calcium boost, vit C boost, etc etc. Merit said the immunity boost really helps when you have a cold. and i was like "whoa they all sound so healthy" and the guy behind the counter was like" well you've come to the wrong place" =___= LOL yeah true. i really didn't expect it to be so healthy.

And Merit, you are NOT fat LOL. true true. i was actually amazed to see that i wasn't that much shorter than Merit. hermz. interesting right. and all you people back in Asia think Americans are big. WEll think again LOL. =X

had chocolate. it was pretty good. I owe Merit one cause she paid.. =Z that means i definitely have to hang out with her again.

ya know, the sunset over green lake is amazing. it goes over the hills and you can see the outlines of all the trees on the hill, one day i should take a picture and show you guys.

oyasumi.

|| Pinch me. || 11:34 PM

kryptonite



dont ask why i put the title as that. it just sounds cool LOL.

i'm still feeling the effects of euphoria on my body LOL.. it's was a halleluja(dunno how to spell lol) moment for me that's all *still can hear the angels singing!~* do you know how it feels when you challenge the teacher and you've won? hahahz. okay the story --> economics exam. well i'd just gotten my paper back, and i was missing a question for full score. and then that question happened to be the one i was pondering over during the actually economics exam. Yeah btw i'm taking microecons, not macro, so please tune our brain to the right sync. yes that's right. so well. the question was on labour markets, and so happened to be about the supply curve, "which of the following factors will shift the supply curve to the right? a) an increase in the price of the substitute. b) an increase in the supply c) a decrease in the price of the substitute d) forgot. "

well then the "correct" answer, ie his answer was a. I had plenty of time to analyse my mistake ( being that was the only question i happened to get wrong) and then my brain just refused to accept that i was wrong LOL. NOONE takes AwaY mY MARK!! lol. yeah that kinda disgusting attitude that i have that has actually carried me thru. well yes so when it came to "anyone has any questions?" i decided to SHOOT! LOL yeap. i was like "question ten exam one please" yada yada. my reasoning was that if the price of labour for the substitude were to increase (ie his ans) then would more ppl LEAVE this market to enter the other market, causing the supply curve to go to the LEFT instead of the RIGHT which was asked in the question? well. you guessed it. i've full marks now lol.

aHHhhhh yawn. talk about karate.. still dont dare to look at *ahem* scared xin ruan ruan (soft soft) hahaz tok cok again.. lalalaz. i've become slightly stronger. yep. and why issit that ppl keep laughing at me?! T__T senpai was like "your punches are way off! *turn to steven* did you tell her?" steven was "well I.." "you tried to?" "..." LOL =___= #@%$*$#@!! nani~~

shikashi! dunno why, everytime i go there will be someone encouraging me " you did well today" "you did really good today" "good energy" ^^ wahaha then i asled my dad "why? is it coz i'm more energetic than Ko?" then my dad was like "arh. that's by nature" =__+ twang. well encouragment only means 2 things. either i'm really improving or i really suck. LOL whatever. I will become StRoNg~~

jaa ne. i shall go for mental training now. ie. homework.

|| Pinch me. || 11:53 AM

Friday, August 06, 2004

after a good .. 12 hr sleep


right. i'm back!! now let me continue my obsession with "why am I weak?" well you see. i want to get into the US Naval Academy. Yes. it's a military scho0l ( duh) am why you may ask. Why nina? ARE YOU MAD??! Lolx.
Sometimes i wonder. what on earth have i done with my life? nothing. nothing much. what ever made me think that way? well. now is the time for explaining ain't it?

now let me tell you a bit about my past. fell sick alot. (lolx ) i used to have nightmares that have me screaming in my sleep ( literally. woke my mom up all the time) " someone save me!" please please, help me. yea somewhere there larh. and i remember this certain dream very vividly. but yes. something always saved me. my mom worried that i would be gone in the morning. but like i said. something always saved me. then now that i've lived so far and i realized that i havent really done anything with my life.. i must have been saved for a reason. but for.. what? i dont want to live my life being weak. i've run away from pain for so long. it's a bout time i've embraced it and challenge myself. how far can you go nina? i wanna know.

i know. i know that my parents will probably never let me go.. that's why i have 4 years to train my body to be strong. right after i graduate, and get a job, save like mad for a year, i'll apply. and if i get in. i will not pass up the opportunity to go. by that time i'm 21. dont think i need their approval anymore HAHA. i know they'll not want me to go. but deep down inside, i think that if i make it.. wont they be proud of me? yes, i want to be an engineer. a naval engineer? i want to work with ships and submarines.. now i know why my life has taken me here. to seattle. to the docks. hey think about it.. in singapore i was close to the sea too.

still 5 more years anyways. i have to be 17-23 to apply. and i'm not even 17 yet.

i wonder if it's my destiny. nevertheless. for now i will become STRONG!!

|| Pinch me. || 12:33 PM

why am i so weak?


damn bloody cant do so much stuff HAIZ cause I'm WEAK!! I hate it!! i'm not so much corcerned that i am fat as i am WEAK. cant do bloody situps fast enough, more enough, cant do bloody sidesteps fast enough.. rib cramps halfway when doing running kick exercises. i'm so WEAK. WHY??!!!

I WILL TRAIN!! already improved on the situps ( if you've been following you get what i mean) but still not good enough.. needa train on HARD floor. yea.. i can do 100 situps. on the BED. SIGH why am i so weak. endurance babe. i have so lil of it. and in karate you need what? ENDURANCE T___T omg. nothing to say..

glad that Lee got me letter. Yay. have fun reading all 8 pieces of paper. HAHa actually it's quite short larh. at most take 15min to read. get what i mean. it's not like a novel or anything.

damn my mom just scolded me.. and locked the door to the bedroom. now can you see why i want my own room?

yay. happy day

|| Pinch me. || 12:47 AM

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

heng sia


i'm so proud of myself. i created a program. ran it. caused the whole com to hang. OMG. sometimes i really wish that that would stop happening.. but it's okay now.. i can't remember what error it was... made the JavaVM go crazy.. took forever to close that thing down. but heng it's okay now

skipped night class to do this ^^ but i still think it's fun.. ya know it's funny, stressing out over something that's so .. virtual.. it's all a fragment of our imagination. right? that's why i find computers.. amazing. it's such an amazing product of the human mind. and, i can be part of that "imagination".. (if i ever bcum that computer engineer i was rooting for..) woah.. how long will i take man..

yeah.. i decided to skip math. hard for you to believe? Hahaha.. i learn nothing in math i tell you. everything is self study. all that happens in math class is that i go to dreamland. the lecturer's a nice guy. he just sux in teaching.

oh yeah. i thought i was forced to skip math ( i have my conscience to answer too after all. i mean, what if he gives a take home exam today?) cause of that stupid runtime error that made the JavaVM crash, and then like ten min after my bro left for sch, i fixed it.. now i have to comment it.. dang i dont like too 'cause i'm lazy, but this is so neccessary.. it's like you have to keep a diary for every lil thing that you do, 'cause you can't afford to forget what you were thinking at every moment. It's irritating 'cause i'm not the diary sorta person ( i'm sure it'll be easy for someone like rachel who's a daily diary updater) so i honestly find it taxing on the mind. well, cant be helped

oh yeah. and someone called me a nerd *glares*. fine. so i wear glasses and i dont bother to dress up to go to sch. that makes me a nerd? hrmz. i guess their still living in their lil high sch world. i dont see the point of dressing up to go to.. SCHOOL. get what i mean? all i do there is study eat and sleep. (in lects lOL) waste of time and nice clothes if you dress up for school. might as well save it for something special..

that's it.. needa get back to work =Z
jaa ^^

|| Pinch me. || 6:56 PM

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

can you believe it?


i didn't study all weekend for the econnomics exam so i was kinda heck care.. and then i decided to study in the car (we have a 20 min car ride to school) and then guess what? I actually did pretty well in the exam. the marks? well i missed full score by a mark ^^ which is really not bad at all. Right. I really need to train how to type without looking at the keyboard. yep yep.. now i'm constraining and using all within my power not to look at the bloody keyboard >_<

yay so happy we have karate later Hee hee but i need to do all my homework before i can start dreaming of karate.. sigh.. computing exam on thurs

jaa ne.

|| Pinch me. || 1:07 PM

Monday, August 02, 2004

dear God



I know recently i haven't been nice, as always i've never been good enough, but thank you for giving me he strength to carry on. i know somwhere out there there's someone looking after me.. be it on earth or in heaven as you are now ^^ (like, duh)

Please help me Lord, where ever you are. well not exactly help me, i'm surviving fine .. but i would really wish for you to take care of the friends dearest to me, and to the people they are dearest too. And my dad. I pray that you'd bless them with good health and the knowledge that they are never alone and that I'm always thinking of them.. yes even thought i know that they may not be thinking of me. Help me not be sad .. but instead help me to appreciate the times that they have sacrificed some of their time to be with me, and help me to be there for them.

Thank you for everything. And please be there for the people that need you now. I think you know who ^^


Yours,
Nina

haha my informal letter to the one above. but i really meant it. there some things that i typed and i didnt mean so i erased that.. cause it doesnt matter when you dont mean it.. right?
just want to say that i really am thankful for all those around me. and i wish that i could help you in the way that you've did.. but i don't know how =Z God bless you all.
Amen.

|| Pinch me. || 1:27 PM

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