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I was always stupid...
and to think I didn't know.. I've always thought that I could compare myself to various people, to people like MingHui and Janice or Shiwei or Rachel or Sara..but turns out I can never.. I don't know what pride of mine had deemed myself able to admit that I was smart enough to cope with all those horrible math questions that I had seen just two hours ago, I don't know what screwed up self esteem mechanism of mine made me think that I would even be CONSIDERED for the UW, let alone the USNA. I don't know whether it is within my ability to build those planes you see above, to work among highly skilled navymen and women in a super cool submarine,..
*sigh*. I got a B in Math.. it's gonna ruin my perfect GPA. I will never be an engineer. Will I? Ever? I took an IQ test. yes, i know it's lame.. but I got.., 108 only.. that's like lower than sec ones.. you know that? I don't know how I've managed to survive.. the signs are obvious, how I did so bad in O lvls, how i got 222/382 lvl position.. how I take so long to learn katas. I always say things that are too high for me to achieve. Like when I said I wanted to get 7pts for O lvls? Bunch of bull crap. I now know that's close to impossible. ( but the more i look at myself and how much i DIDn't study.. part of me really thinks that i could...) Sigh. confusing. Why Lord.. am I not good enough. Or perhaps I am my only judge. I do not want to live my life being a loser, not being able to achieve. I don't. But why am I so afraid? I don't want to be this way...
I shall go back and study. Even if the Lord has determined that I shall be banished from making my plane, at least if I really put effort into it, at least i'll be able to look up and say that I've really tried. No regrets. Just need to study REALLY hard. *groans* damn my weakness has already shown. ...
|| Pinch me. || 10:38 PM
uw
green-pillow-potato
"being flabby is so embaressing!"
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Rachel did the banner!! Thanks! :))
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[ disclaimer ]
any resemblance to the animated pet-like-things above to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental and an act of God,
for it was not me who made them (person or pet) look that way. In any case, the author of this blog meant it as a joke and perhaps a sign of twisted affection.
The author is also a bigot who talks in third person. *shrugs*
more coming soon when more than 5 people read this blog.
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