not one of them



I guess.. maybe I should stop reading certain people's blogs. 'cause the more I read it, the more I miss them, and the sadder I get.. and the lonelier my life seems to be. I .. really don't want to continue feeling that way. Every time I read it my heart gets ripped into tiny little pieces, only to be haphazardly pieced together again. I'm still so weak am I? I can't escape the fact that somehow I lost you. They're just mere words but they mean so much to me.. I wonder.. do you miss me? As time goes by .. I perhaps shall no longer have a place in your heart..Maybe now it already is too late to think back- - -

I realized I was on the sidelines alot. I was never really a significant part of your life the way you are to mine. I remember all of you doing crazy things together, laughing together.. but I also remember that I was tagging behind, just watching and laughing at your antics as we went along. I was there huh, watching? Only watching. I barely even touched your life, yet through watching you've reached out and touched mine. And it hurts to suddenly find out how participation would have made everything turn out better. I admit, I'm selfish. *sigh*

So many memories are flowing into my mind right now, I think of Concert Band when I was an outcast.. I think of the saliva smelling room and the dusty storage.. I think of leaning out of the storeroom with the window facing the street soccer court and screaming hi to everyone below. I think of grabbing all my section's scores from the pigeon hole and rushing back to my seat (green rusty chair..) to unfold the stands.. I think of passing Sara ( yes dear, I've only just realized that you really meant alot to me.. T__T I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..) and smiling, I think of turning behind and seeing Terry ( I wonder where you are now and how you're doin, I miss you too..) behind with the trombones, smiling at me when I brought my toy pig that went "oink" everytime you spanked it's butt. I remember running to the mamak shop and getting snacks and curry puff while complaining how hard a piece is. I remember climbing up those stairs to the band room and cursing the basketballers who "can't hear their ball bounce" I remember bernie.. one day younger than me telling me that people thought I "acted cute" when I was just trying to be more enthu.. I remember Sara consoling me.. and then I remember sitting next to her in the art room, slugging over a pot that won't form in our unskilled hands =P..and singing together.. and sitting at the playground being stupid with Lyd and Rach.. and caryn laughing at us.. haha.

I think this blog is gonna be soo long once I start talking 'bout CAryn and Rachel and Lydia... and Fiona and OMH.. and ...But I think they know how dreadfully important they are to me- - -

Dear Sara, I guess I never really told you that you're special. I love you gal.. take care in Aust ok? And have fun in SG.. I know somehow I've already lost a place in your heart.. So I wish you all the best. May manzai 3 live forever ^^

|| Pinch me. || 11:28 PM

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[blogger] [blogskins] [Caryn] [Rachel] [Lydia] [Fiona] [Sara] [the snowy freak. *ducks flying hammer*] [Team Blog] [Edwin] [JiaZhao] [a super cool layout ^^] [Lee] [Charlotte or somthin..] [Jessica] [Owen] [Kathie] [Arina]

[ disclaimer ]
any resemblance to the animated pet-like-things above to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental and an act of God, for it was not me who made them (person or pet) look that way. In any case, the author of this blog meant it as a joke and perhaps a sign of twisted affection. The author is also a bigot who talks in third person. *shrugs*
more coming soon when more than 5 people read this blog.

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