so much hope


too much hope. Don't know when to stop.
Had stupid day today.
Pretending that I can save everything again
haha
but nothing's wrong actually.
Nothing really.
I have an exam tomorrow.
And I skipped classes MORE than a few times.
aka very very often.
Thank god for online notes.
However I learn a lot better when there's a good teacher.
Notice I emphasize GOOD teacher.

Realized something today. I can actually learn without noticing. O__o that's the fun part of it right? Here's the catch. Learn a lot more when I'm in crazy mode. And learn a lot of things that I don't plan to learn. And don't learn the things I'm supposed to. Muahaha.I think of the stupidest math/physics formulas possible. But they're wrong. Well that's what the instructors say. That's what my grades say. =__= and so the world refuses to acknowledge its hidden hero.
I hate it when people go blatantly "you're wrong." I mean, I don't believe in absolute black and white.

Well, only when it doesn't go in my favor.

But still, there's a lot of things in this world shrouded in mystery, in the grey area, which needs some explaining to determine it be black or white. So won't ya just listen to my point of view, will ya =D? One day I may just be right. The answers coming from this ignorant little 16 year old who happens to be in college studying engineering physics and calculus may just be right. I mean so what if you have tons more experience than me. If you cant prove to me what's wrong with my answer, then you have no evidence and therefore no justification to outright deem me absolutely incorrect. I may be MOSTlY fallacious and utterly nonsensical but there had to be some amount of truth in it to make me think that way. Yes?

Quote Dad :" chyi.. You're a nice kid.. Just with a few crazy ideas every once in a while."
Quote me :"it's 'cause I'm special, dad."
:D BHB-ness. Forever.

|| Pinch me. || 11:48 PM

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Oo how fat I seem


Been eating all day
carbo 'n sweet
chocolate forever
sweet sweet remedy
dont know what i'm talking bout
yes yes such a wonder.

round round my face has become
trying to do some work
instead look what i've done
typing a poem
that makes no sense
look here comes mitei
online again :D

my words dont rhyme
and i dont care
for i do not know any literature
and my english still sucks
after all this time
in the U S of A
but like i care
no i say

something is wrong
the words dont flow
essay due monday
but my words dont seem to go
try to type something
on viruses and bacteria
but all i get is
some kind of
verbal diahrrea
oh gooody day

needa type 15 pages
of lil things we cant see
so bless me
how lazy i shall be.

|| Pinch me. || 11:16 PM

Thursday, November 25, 2004

I have to change.

Just came back from a thanksgiving dinner. Was having fun playing monopoly and chinese checkers.
And I got stuck twice and a taboo word just came out of my mouth. I said "aww shit." and my mom went ballistic. Now that I'm home she's going "look chyi, that was so embaressing. in front of all my friends you kept saying shit and none of their kids said it." orh. sorry. Only said it once though. One time is enough to make an impression... From now on me not gonna say any bad/foul language. I think it's because of this that people avoid me. ARgh what's wrong with me? I'M PISSEd. Only said it ONCE!! =___= So fine. I'm not as sweet and nice and eloquent as they are when they're stuck. Whatever. *pulls hair out* I'm so sick and tired and stressed.

I haven't done my application essays. ARGH! *pulls hair out again*

Getting back to work =/ Jaa.

|| Pinch me. || 10:23 PM

who do you think of?



Who do you think of when you hear the word "love"?
I.. don't think of anyone. =\ so heartless T__T. Arhhh I was pissed off a bit this evening.. I don't think I should have. And I really thought he was sick and I was kinda... worried? =___= feeling toopid.

Arh well. So many people are genuinely sick so.. TAKE CARE YA'LL! get better soon so we can play :D :D

Really want to hang out with someone different. No offense to anyone but, I kinda feel that my life is being sucked away. Seriously, I don't have a life. Remember the time when I used to love every single thing that I did.. but now.. don't even look forward to seeing anyone. There's noone that I'd go "ahh! there he/she is! everything's gonna be ok now.." anymore. Just feel cheated. I mean I may play alot and make mistakes and realize I need to study a bit too late but at least I know my limits..so please stop sucking the life out of me, somethings I would really rather you do yourself..*argh* mentally tired. Miss you pig pig and phishie and ryn ryn and chibichan! TT___TT farani may I call you? (lol so late already.. )

And it's thanksgiving hols .. all alone again =\ Could someone sweep me off to another time and place for a while? Just a while. So I can get back on my feet again. ^__^ nina's fine.. she'll be ok..

Have you ever stood on the bridge between CC and ED building and just stare at the highway at night? It's so beautiful. *__*

I'll go to sleep now. Happy Thanksgiving.

|| Pinch me. || 1:13 AM

Monday, November 22, 2004

I really like this poem. Took it off someone else's blog. =P



'Twas The Night Before Christmas



Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house made of plaster & stone.
I had come down the chimney with presents to give
And to see just who in this home did live.

I looked all about a strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.
No stocking by the fire, just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures of far distant lands

With medals and badges, awards of all kind
A sober thought came through my mind.
For this house was different, so dark and dreary,
I knew I had found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.

I heard stories about them, I had to see more
So I walked down the hall and pushed open the door.
And there he lay sleeping silent alone,
Curled up on the floor in his one bedroom home.

His face so gentle, his room in such disorder,
Not how I pictured a United States soldier.
Was this the hero of whom I'd just read?
Curled up in his poncho, a floor for his bed

His head was clean shaven, his weathered face tan,
I soon understood this was more than a man.
For I realized the families that I saw that night
Owed their lives to these men who were willing to fight.

Soon 'round the world, the children would play,
And grownups would celebrate on a bright Christmas day.
They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year,
Because of soldiers like this one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone
On a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.
Just the very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice,
"Santa don't cry, this life is my choice;
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,
My life is my God, my country, my Corps."

With that he rolled over and drifted off into sleep,
I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.
I watched him for hours, so silent and still,
I noticed he shivered from the cold night's chill.

So I took off my jacket, the one made of red,
And I covered this Soldier from his toes to his head.
And I put on his T-shirt of gray and black,
With an eagle and an Army patch embroidered on back.

And although it barely fit me, I began to swell with pride,
And for a shining moment, I was United States Army deep inside.
I didn't want to leave him on that cold dark night,
This guardian of honor so willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, whispered with a voice so clean and pure
"Carry on Santa, it's Christmas Day, all is secure."
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right,
Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night!

by Cpl. James M. Schmidt, USMC

|| Pinch me. || 9:13 PM

Saturday, November 20, 2004

kinda...


It wasn't a good party. Really. seriously. It sucked.

Was looking forward to it all week. But in the end.. arh *disappointed*. It's okay. Spend the day holding people's pinkies LOL. And poor Aswin I almost sprained his finger again. I just realized that actually I'm kinda close to him. Hrm. Warh but the worst one was darling. I mean I highly DID NOT expect him to say "Nina if you want to hold my hand, just say so, don't have to do that" Oh wow and I just froze. Did anyone tell him not to flirt with people he won't like?

I mean I would definitely flirt with a cute guy (LOL) because I have potential of liking him right? But darling here made it kinda clear he doesn't like me. So what the?? Anyways we have to thank him for being one of the emcees 'cept that he was mostly quiet the whole time. (yeah what happened?) He said he was sick but then again maybe he's lying (again.) just to seem... ya know Awww Poor thing... I'm sorry I think I'm b*tching. Sorry darling.

Why the toot am I still calling him darling anyway =___=. I'm still offended by the "shut the f*ck up". Even if you didn't know what it means. And even if you thought I could take anything from you because I call you that. GRrr. I was just trying to be funny.

Okay larh. Nina should stop ranting. Received 10 thank you notes. Like way more than I expected. I only expected around 4. So I still feel warm and fuzzy. HAHHAA.

And I did something way lame today. I told everyone to go hip-hip-hurray. yes I'm lame but I had fun doing that so.. *slaps "ATTENTION SEEKER" on forehead* Heee. I mean it's a party right? the least I can do is enjoy myself, so what if it's only 2 min.


Was pretending for the whole day that I was ok. think it worked. fact is I was having a big headache *SURPRISE*! ^^ glad to have made some ppl smile today :D I'll end here.

|| Pinch me. || 11:53 PM

Thursday, November 18, 2004

G:


Your Beauty lies
in Individuality. Different, amazing, and all your
own. You like be set apart
from all others and most love that you do. You are
solitary at times, but for
the most part, there is no greater compliment to
you than someone telling you
that you are different. You're most likely a bit of
a fighter and you hate it
when anyone attempts to change who you are. You
wear what you want, look how you
want and don't let anyone tell you what do to. You
can be a little immature at
times and have trouble dealing with authority and
asking others for help. You
like to do things yourself and are independent
almost to a fault. But, people
still find your individuality amazing and the fact
that no matter what happens
or what anyone else anyone thinks about it, you
will not change who you are.





Some Things
That Represent You:





Element:
Dark, Fire Animal: White Tiger Color:
Bold Colors, Odd
Colors Song: Just They Way I Am by Angel
Expression: Smirk





Gemstone:
Bloodstone Mythological Creature: Phoenix,
Dragon Sign:
Leo Planet: Pluto
Hair Color: Unnatural Colors Eye
Color:
Amber





Quote:
"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh
because you're all the same."




Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla



Actually I got "Contradiction" but this one has nicer pic LOL. Arh show you what it looks like.. See below.



F:

Your Beauty lies
in Contradiction. Controversial, unpredictable, and
never what anyone expects.
You appearance and your personality are two
opposite things. Even your
appearance sends different signals to different
people. To some you may look
innocent and sweet, to others you look mysterious
and intimidating at the same
time. No one ever knows what to expect with you.
You are a little bit of
everything all mixed together. You can be watching
the football game with the
guys one minute and the next out shopping at the
mall. You seem to be almost a
different person every time you meet someone, but
at the same time you know
exactly who you are and there is always that one
thing that makes you you. You
enjoy keeping people guessing and people love how
completely unpredictable you
are.







Some Things
That Represent You:





Element:
Fire, Water Animal: Chameleon Color:
Dark Tones, Light
Tones Song: Everything by Alanis Morriesette
Expression:
Half-smile





Gemstone:
Opal Mythological Creature: Gryphon,
Half-breeds Sign:
Gemini Planet: Mars Hair Color: Red
Eye Color:
Brown





Quote:
"Appearances can be deceiving."




Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

|| Pinch me. || 11:29 PM

argh useless


I hate when some extra feelings come. I just want to be simple and superficial. HAHA whatever. Because I can't read people and that's one of my biggest weaknesses. So what. Shoot me I dont care.

I keep hearing real corny stuff. Like "to the world you may be a single person, but to a single person you may be the world" HAHA won't it be cool if.. LOL.

Really want to call someone. I miss you. Haiz. Btw I'm not talking bout missing some guy *ahem ahem*. I'm talking bout my great frens (aw you people know who you are). But I wouldnt mind if that ******* called and said .. No wait I will say "YOU FrIGGIN B*sTARD WHO THE HELL DO YOU F*KIN THINK YOU ARE?!" and SLAM the phone LOL. (Come on, I'm not that bad like before ok =__=.)

On the verge of breaking down. Like seriously. It never hurt so much when someone calls you stupid, until someone important does. And it never hurt so much when something so important to you turned out to be.. a complete lie. Were you even thinking of me when you said that? =/

I'll come crashing back to Earth now. After all, I'm a super girl!! I can take the impact :D.

|| Pinch me. || 3:57 PM

chgiZaSuperGal


Remember "Nina to the rescue"? HAHAHA! Well I'm gonna be that again!! I mean.. no use losing my insane demure. (contradictory but I don't give a sh*t) First of all I'm kinda confused 'bout something. Which I will definitely not mention here. Secondly I was beside HIM XD in the cafeteria today LOL he's shorter than I thought he'd be. But still Aw So Cute!! And I think it's really 'bout time I should get to know others than indos. I really want to step out of my comfort zone and try, for once to be one of those super socializing type of person that I never once was.

I'm afraid it'll make me change though. But still.. maybe I'm stronger than that XD HEEE. Still afraid of people though. My inner fear, which I've been desperately fighting.. still comes out and haunts me till this day. And there's only one person that knows about it and RYN RYN you actually weren't listening. FINE. =/

Daijobu. I wont let anyone do that to ANY of my beloved. Never ever. an xin ne, never fear for nina is here! MuAHAHA. I look crazy and dumb and innocent. But you don't know me when something hits. Because it'll resonate so loud you'll be blasted away. I dont know what I'm talking BOUT LOL.

Kk. Hope he comes for thankgiving XD. Eye candy haha. But wait I didnt look at him closely. But he was looking at me (I was acting like siao cha bo again Wth).

Jaa! rescue report end.

=my mission is to make your life better. and my own of course lol=

To my dears:
rach, forgive me of my spelling mistakes.
gina, I LOVE YOU GAL I cant believe you mailed me the whole magazine.. I wish I could call you.. and find out what happened(did you win?? I want to see the portfolio T_T), your letter's on its way dear, *smiles* after I take pics OKAY?
lyd, I made something for you LOL think you'll laugh if you see it XD
ryn, I also made something for you lol.
and rach again, you too (duh.)
fiona, jia you!
me, wth.. talking to myself.

|| Pinch me. || 1:36 AM

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

it's funny..


It's funny how after you stop crying for so long that when you do.. it feels kinda weird. Suddenly you don't feel it coming and it chokes you up so much you can't speak. And it's sad. Because you keep remembering the moment. And to think that I haven't cried for so long that it really took alot out of me. I just wanted to sit on the floor and bawl my heart out. But still somehow you have to act all "grown up" and pretend that everything's okay.. pretend that you're strong and you have to smile and move on and not let people see that you can be weak too.

It's funny huh.

|| Pinch me. || 5:06 PM

Sunday, November 14, 2004

pissed, stressed, and still procrastinating


ARGH. My darling is not IRRITateD when I call him that!! WHY? Not fun already =__=. *pout* Anyhow I will still call 'im that. For the kicks. _Harris is not a nice name anyway =X MUAHAHAHHAAAA. And I still dunno whether it's one r or two. DUH... WHY CARE?!

I'm sick of studying. I just wanna play. I know it's bad. I know I'm hopeless. And I know I HAVE to get into a reasonable university. BWARDY. All My DaHlIngsssss.. You all have HOLIDAYS You toot toot toot!! LUCKY.

I keep thinking of the party ^^ I want to look pwetty MUAHAHA And All you guys will drop your jaw SO LOw You'll Be VACUUMING THE FLOOR HAHAHAH!! (sorry I'm lame and hyper, forgive me)

Want to shop! I want boots I want skirt I want COWBOY HAT! WHAHAHAA go CHeeGeeDaCowboyGIRL. Yeah whatever unisexual.

I want that cutie guy to be my bf (for fun larh MUAHAHA hell when he smiles he is drop dead WOW. to me larh.Then again I didn't look at him that closely. He MAY be ugly, but I can still fantasize about the imaginary one ^^.) Whatever. 4give the stressed out gal. Or you can ignore her. Both ways are absolUtElY Okay! (ermz. Nina is not ok.)

D'Oh! =DugongZ= back to work.

|| Pinch me. || 10:27 PM

Friday, November 12, 2004

arcade vs mom



is it a crime to go out once in a while? Why do I have to tell my mom EXACTLY where I am, when all my brother has to do is tell her "oh I'm out with friends". It's not fair!! Curses.

I hate being the gal sometimes.

And the arcade sux. Doesn't even have House of the Dead. That's like the best arcade games ever. spent most of my time playing tekken (it was free ^^). And ddr. I really really suck at it. Need lotsa practice =/ but the arcade so far.. and so ex.. $1 leh.

I think I should apologise to my mom. After all, she was worried right?

I guess I just needed to run away for a while and destress.

Everything you do has a consequence. Nothing is ever perfect.

|| Pinch me. || 9:26 PM

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

boo.



NEone miss me? ^^ lol. Realized there are some cute guys around this quarter ya? =P

Yeah speaking of that I think I'm freaking a guy out. Namely the "darling" lol. Sometimes I just 4get he's a GUY and treat him like one of my galfrenz ya know.. because I'm sure those people who know me know that I'm not very good at treating genders different. Dang. Maybe I should start noticing =/. Or maybe I can just be myself. You'll still love me anyway ne? (bhb XD)

Had a nightmare last night. >__< suddenly I woke up and decided not to trust strangers. Sia. Tramatizing >__< hug me!! *hugs stuffed elephant* arh. I'm being toopid.

Talked to lots of people I dont know recently.

Pent up anger/fear.

Wrote to Gina!! it's a real nice later, but I havent finished. Needa get me 80cents worth of words k.. I put so many pics in too. hehe. My friend saw what I was writing (drawing?)and she was like "WOW." So hope Gina enjoys it.

Have a physics exam on friday. Gonna start studying now, or I'll DIE.








You Are Avril Lavigne! A bit hardcore on the outside... But sweet and sensitive on the inside. "It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life" Who's Your Inner Rock Chick? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.



Lol Avril.. hrm.

I believe in Love. And thus I believe there must be a God.

|| Pinch me. || 7:14 PM

Saturday, November 06, 2004

lol. what the toot?!






Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

I'm a guy. a JOCK O__o.


Threat rating: laughable. Stick to your crazed
ramblings and yelling at lamp posts.


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Right.. =___= maybe I am homeless. In a way, if you think bout it.

Your beauty is FUN!!! Man, you really don't CARE
about the way you look because it shouldn't get
in the way of you having a good time. You love
being around lots of people and are very
friendly too. Your beauty tends to be very
ordinary at first but your care-free nature and
contagious laughter make you very appealing.
You've got great verbal skills and your sooo
easy to get along with because not only are you
quite understanding and compassionate but your
light-hearted about things as well. You don't
get under stress that much which helps you keep
up your perky personality. Your beauty can be
characterized by a laugh. (If you can't see the
pictures, go to my profile and look near the
very bottom)


What kind of beauty should you have? (girls w/ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Orh. yah?

|| Pinch me. || 7:53 PM

do you care?


I don't. why should you? lala. I feel like crapping. Do you care? no. But I care. I want to type type type.. (lol effects of being lonely. havent talked to my dears in weeks.) sup ya all? I know something's going on but I don't know. Care to tell me? Maybe I should just get a job so I can get a few phonecards and call ya. Besides, I miss your voice ^^.

arrhhh well. Report: I GOT MY ORANGE BELT!! i got my orange belt!! *dances around the room doing the front and roundhouse kicks, then loses balance and falls* yes. Xcept when I ws hoping to look thinner I ended up lookin fatter. Orange on white is not very flattering, get what I mean. Besides I was born with a huge ass. Damn that reminds me.. need to start building up my legs. The next pattern I learn will be heydan shodan (whatever) and that involves my dear enemy. The cat stance!! *winces* leg power come to me...

Been calling a guy "round" these days. I know it's bad. And now I realise I'm getting round too. SHIT. I'd better do something before the tables turn and he says, "hey nin, looking rOuNd?" O__o and I ate so much today there must be something wrong with me. It's like I'm never full. Ever experience that before? I can feel my jelly like tummy swelling upwards. I'm so gonna do that funny V-crunch. tried it today and it was SO hard *whines* Why am I so weak? Recall: wanted to get into the Naval academy right? I think I can 4get it now. havent been training in soo long.. I realised something was off when I couldn't do push ups. NOOO!!!! I don't want a flabby ass!!!and we learnt a new style push up. SO much harder than the conventional one. Esp since I keep doing a split half way (see that's the hard part.. you have to pull yourself up from the front split position, meaning your weight is on your arms longer, meaning you have to muscle your way up, meaning... it's just HARD.)

Okay now on to sex, lies and computing.
Sex -- something happened. (not to me, okay.) and so my mom goes talking bout the birds and the bees... like I've never heard of it before.. and fact is.. currently I kinda know more than her =___= (thanks to bio class). Seriously, the gal's always and forever is gonna be on the losing side. So I don't see the point of giving the guy the liberty to do as he wants with me. Call me narcist. I don't care. I LOVE myself ^^ .

Lies -- STOP LYING TO ME YOU *#^%^%#! [fill in foul language here]

Computing -- SOooo screwed.. though the assignment's deadline changed from fri to mon giving me a couple more days. So I will continue typing. Never dreaded csc this much.

Let me be. For now.

|| Pinch me. || 7:16 PM

[ see ]
superheros like you and me

[ hear ]
danceble music
christina aguilera "make a bad comment about her voice and may you suffer from strep throat forever"

[ touch ]

adopt your own virtual pet!

adopt your own virtual pet!

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skin credits!!
Rachel did the banner!! Thanks! :))

.:[Friends.]:.
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[ disclaimer ]
any resemblance to the animated pet-like-things above to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental and an act of God, for it was not me who made them (person or pet) look that way. In any case, the author of this blog meant it as a joke and perhaps a sign of twisted affection. The author is also a bigot who talks in third person. *shrugs*
more coming soon when more than 5 people read this blog.

.:[ speak ]:.

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