I'm proud..


I'm proud to be Chinese. I know there were times in my life when I said "hey, why in the WORLD would I want to learn Chinese?" Why in the world am I proud to be this yellowie shortie subject to racism and all?

Because. Because no matter how you look at it, I will forever be this yellowie shortie. I can't deny that.

So I have learnt to take pride in myself. I am proud to be the descendant of the dragon. (Let's assume so, dammit.) I don't care if it's a mythical creature based solely on myths and myopia. I don't care if it doesn't exist. Because.. I can't deny that it's something I want to believe in.

I want to believe that the dragon is real and that it's blood pulses through me. I don't care if it's an illusion. BECAUSE I AM CHINESE.

I feel serenity when I believe I'm asian. Heck, I don't have to believe. I am.

hah.

Now you might be wondering why the fark am I saying all this?

Okay. It's 9/11.

I'm proud to be American. But I know I'm not fully American. No matter what I say. I know the American dream is within me. I know my passion is still there. Yet.. I've never fought in the independence war, nor have I known what went through in all the civil wars. I can't say " I fought in the war too! I'm one of you!" I CAN'T.

I'm angry. I'm angry because none of my past is american. I have no right to be angry. I have no right. My past is truly asian.

I can't be a proud american because.. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING for my country. MY country

Now I know why I never felt that I belonged.



Yet I cry. I cry when the they collapsed. I prayed. And when I saw the commercial that proclaimed "I am American." I wanted to cry. Yes, it's THAT difficult to say that I am one of you too.

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I AM CHINESE. I am American.

I want to fight too.

|| Pinch me. || 11:11 PM

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